During my residency at Piano Fabriek & GC Elzenhof, I decided to merge my visual, sonic and lyrical accumulation of the past 3 years that were marked by grief.

Initially, I wanted to do this methodologically and with a sort of research. I wanted to open up the conversation around grief with others, as part of the work directly, I planned to interview visitors of Pianofabriek, make an online questionaire.

But after the second day, I was completely absorbed by making music and sound. There was little to no space for me to think and research. Also, I realised that I had to allow myself to go through this on my own, and to face the feelings of the past 3 years that were quite tumulteous.

I compulsively started to play from morning to evening in the theatrical space of Pianofabriek, that has an incredible acoustic and sound system. It was also a great opportunity to test out new machines, such as the Electro Harmonix looper, and a new voice pedal.

I did take with me, all my lyrics & songs, of the past and recent ones, and worked on them with the idea in mind to use looping as my base — not just as a solution to play music solo, but mainly as a reference to the buddhist ceremony for my grand-fathers 1 year death anniversary.
This ceremony had touched me so deeply and it was a visceral experience of hours of repeating mantra’s and prayers. In the past 3 years I had learned that grief is an unpredictable tide, with waves that can crush you a few minutes after being soothed by its waves.

I wanted to sooth myself back in Belgium too, looking up prayers on Youtube; but I soon got sick of them all. It even got worse today, as many are AI generated prayers, soulless. I started to make my own loops and vocalising the pain and sentences did help. In the first week I wrote a new song, GROW IN THE DARK, and reworked old songs such as NAMO AMI THABA.

Photos: SOFAA DOUCHE

This residency was made possible with the support of Nomadische werkplaats Nieuwe meesters